A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work. -- Adolf Hitler % A little bit of rape is good for a man's soul. -- Norman Mailer % A perfectly honest woman, a woman who never flatters, who never manages, who never cajoles, who never conceals, who never uses her eyes, who never speculates on the effect which she produces, who never is conscious of unspoken admiration, what a monster, I say, would such a female be! -- Thackeray % A proper wife should be as obedient as a slave... The female is a female by virtue of a certain lack of qualities -- a natural defectiveness. -- Aristotle % A society in which women are taught anything but the management of a family, the care of men, and the creation of the future generation is a society which is on its way out. -- L. Ron Hubbard % A woman employs sincerity only when every other form of deception has failed. -- Scott % A woman must be a cute, cuddly, naive little thing--tender, sweet, and stupid. -- Adolf Hitler % A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure. -- Karl Kraus, "Die Fackel" % A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments. -- Herodotus % A woman who is guided by the head and not by the heart is a social pestilence: she has all the defects of the passionate and affectionate woman, with none of her compensations; she is without pity, without love, without virtue, without sex. -- Balzac % A woman who is unfaithful deserves to be shot. -- Pancho Villa % Among all savage beasts, none is found so harmful as woman. -- St. John Chrysostom, 304-407. % And do you not think that each of you women is an Eve? The judgement of God upon your sex endures today; and with it invariably endures your position of criminal at the bar of justice. -- Tertullian, second-century Christian writer % Are Women Human? In the year 584, in Lyon, France, 43 Catholic bishops and 20 men representing other bishops, after a lengthy debate, took a vote. The results were 32 yes, 31 no. Women were declared human by one vote. % Are you a Young Urban Professional Woman? If so, you know how Yuppie women are; cold, ruthless bitches with no time for love, and only an occasional weekend for sex. Your one "hot date" with Joe Fastrack, rising corporate star, ended in disaster. Yesterday you heard him telling a friend over lunch, "The woman must masturbate with popsicles!" Well, all is not lost! SofSqueeze can change your nickname to Electrolux in just 15 minutes a day! SofSqueeze is a pressure sensitive device (divided into appropriate sections) that plugs into the serial port of most home computers. Through the magic of biofeedback, SofSqueeze teaches you control over your vaginal muscles. With our exciting, easy-to-follow software you'll master the "Cincinnati Squeeze", the "Irresistable", the "California Crusher", and, of course, the perennial favorite, "Milking Time Down on the Farm". Or, using our exclusive Interactive Mode, invent your own! SofSqueeze is made of sturdy ABS plastic, and is completely immersible for easy cleaning. SofSqueeze's flesh-toned exterior is finely textured for a realistic effect. Requires 4K RAM, a DB25 serial port and limited graphics capability. Comes fully assembled, with 4 AA batteries. % Contemporary American feminism's simplistic psychology is illustrated by the new cliche of the date-rape furor: "`No' always means `no'." Will we ever graduate from the Girl Scouts? "No" has always been, and always will be, part of the dangerous alluring courtship ritual of sex and seduction, observable even in the animal kingdom. -- Camille Paglia, NY Times, Dec. 14 1990, Op Ed. % Dames lie about anything -- just for practice. -- Raymond Chandler % Do you want to know what's ahead for you, in your happiness at home, your business success? Here's a telling test: Look in the mirror. Is your skin smooth and lovely, your hair gleaming, your make-up glamorous? Are you slender enough for your height? Do you stand erect, confident? Yes? Then you are on your way to success as a woman. -- Ladies' Home Journal, 1947 advertisement % Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump. -- Chinese Proverb % Everyone has the right, without exception, to equal pay for equal work. Except for women. % Everyone in the office is welcome to join the group going to the Columbus Theater tonight. Meet in the lobby at 8:30. The films are "Blue Jennifer" and "Hot Coed Cheerleaders". % Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full. -- Earl Wilson % Finally, a reporter got a chance to interview Tarzan. Reporter: Tarzan? Is that your first or last name? Tarzan: Tarzan first name. Reporter: Then, what's your whole name? Tarzan: Tarzan of the Apes. Reporter: And who is the woman with you? Tarzan: That Jane. Reporter: And what's Jane's whole name? Tarzan: Cunt. % Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period." -- Steven Moore % Here's to women. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands. -- Ambrose Bierce % I paid a visit to my local precinct in Greenwich Village and asked a sergeant to show me some rape statistics. He politely obliged. That month there had been thirty-five rape complaints, an advance of ten over the same month for the previous year. The precinct had made two arrests. "Not a very impressive record," I offered. "Don't worry about it," the sergeant assured me. "You know what these complaints represent?" "What do they represent?" I asked. "Prostitutes who didn't get their money," he said firmly, closing the book. -- Susan Brownmiller, "Against Our Will" % If a shameless woman expects to be defiled and then dies of her fierce love because you do not consent, will chastity also be homicide? -- Saint Augustine % In childhood a woman must be subject to her father; in youth to her husband; when her husband is dead, to her sons. A woman must never be free of subjugation. -- The Hindu Code of Manu % In the highest society, as well as in the lowest, woman is merely an instrument of pleasure. -- Tolstoy % It is only the man whose intellect is clouded by his sexual impulse that could give the name of the fair sex to that undersized, narrow-shouldered, broad-hipped, and short-legged race. -- Schopenhauer % It seems to me that nearly every woman I know wants a man who knows how to love with authority. Women are simple souls who like simple things, and one of the simplest is one of the simplest to give. ... Our family airedale will come clear across the yard for one pat on the head. The average wife is like that. -- Episcopal Bishop James Pike % Many a woman hasn't realized that she was raped until the check bounced. % Men are superior to women. -- The Koran % No is no negative in a woman's mouth. -- Sidney % One hundred women are not worth a single testicle. -- Confucius % Scratch the average female and you'll find a purring bundle... at the ready to love and honor, bake a torte and still produce quintuplets. -- Edgar Berman % Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote. -- Grover Cleveland, 1905 % She applies her lipstick in spite of its contents: "greasy rouge, containing crushed and dried insect corpses for coloring, beeswax for stiffness, and olive oil to help it flow - the latter having the unfortunate tendency to go rancid several hours after use. In 1924 the New York Board of Health considered banning lipstick, not because it was hazardous to the wearers but because of "the worry that it might poison the men who kissed the women who wore it." -- David Bodanis, "The Secret House" % Six days after the Creation, Adam was still alone in the Garden of Eden, and getting pretty desperate. "God!" he cried, "rescue me from loneliness and despair! Send some company for Your sake!" God replied "OK, I have just the thing. Keep you warm and relaxed all the days of your life. Never complains. Looks up to you in every way. It'll cost you though". "Sounds ideal" said Adam. "The society of the beasts of the field and the birds of the air palls after a while. What's the price?" "An arm and a leg", said God. Adam thought about it for a bit and finally sighed. "So, what can I get for a rib?" % Some women should be beaten regularly, like gongs. -- Noel Coward % Sure, and of course I would vote for a woman for president! Quite naturally, we wouldn't have to pay her so much. % That Xanthippe's husband should have become so great a philosopher is remarkable. Amid all the scolding, to be able to think! But he could not write: that was impossible. Socrates has not left us a single book. -- Heine % The Bible says that woman was the last thing God made. Evidently He made her on Saturday night. She reveals his fatigue. -- Dumas % The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT? -- Sigmund Freud [*Which* woman? This sort of *stupid* question should, I suppose, be expected from the man who invented the mind-bogglingly unbelievable concept of 'penis envy' to explain the behavior of half of mankind.] % The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed. -- Norton % The more I learn about women, the more I love my dog. % The only alliance I would make with the Women's Liberation Movement is in bed. -- A. Hoffman % The Pope is working on a crossword puzzle one Sunday afternoon. He stops for a moment, scratches his forehead, then asks a Cardinal, "Can you think of a four-letter word for `woman' that ends in `u-n-t'?" "Aunt," replies the Cardinal. "Say, thanks," says the Pope. "You got an eraser?" % The Queen is most anxious to enlist every one who can speak or write to join in checking this mad, wicked folly of "Woman's Rights", with all its attendant horrors, on which her poor feeble sex is bent, forgetting every sense of womanly feeling and propriety. Lady ____ ought to get a good whipping. It is a subject which makes the Queen so furious that she cannot contain herself. God created men and women different -- then let them remain each in their own position. -- Letter to Sir Theodore Martin, 29 May 1870, from Queen Victoria % Were there no women, men might live like gods. -- Thomas Dekker % When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do what you like now." -- Tolstoy % When I was in college, there were a lot of four-letter words you couldn't say in front of girls. Now you can say them. But you can't say "girls". % With all the talent around, it's sort of amazing that a woman could be up here with us. -- Ralph Kiner, on introducing an award winner % With her body, woman is more sincere than man; but with her mind she lies. And when she lies, she does not believe herself. -- Tolstoy % With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of it. I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too close. Like catching snakes. -- Marlon Brando % Woman is generally so bad that the difference between a good and a bad woman scarcely exists. -- Tolstoy % Women -- can't live with 'em, can't leave 'em by the curb when you're done. % Women are nothing but machines for producing children. -- Napoleon % Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots. -- Ambrose Bierce % Women should be obscene and not heard. %